The Chronicles of Gilbert
by Mirum Kai
Summary: Let me guess. You're sick of the typical OCs who get all the guys and the author just tries way too hard to make them likeable, but you still want to sneak a peek at the inside life of the Vongola. Well, meet Gilbert. The impeccable Mafia housefly. Drabble series. Enjoy!
1. Meet, Gilbert

'**Ello! I have no idea where this idea came from. Maybe it's me trying to change the world of OCs, or maybe it's just a switch up from the usual stories. As you know, drabble series can be updated whenever so there's really no pressure, but you can also make drabble series as fun and sporadic as you want because, there's no real plotline and…you can just have a blast with it. Taking requests and all. So I hope you give it a chance. It sounds weird. In all seriousness it is weird. But, ya know, it's not something to be taken serious. It's something fun.**

**Disclaimer: For once I own a freakin' character! Yet, again, it's kind of spoiled by the fact that it's the only character I do own. Ah, well…**

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Oh no. Up. Down. Left. Under. The blonde one is after me again. I just don't understand. Can't a housefly live in peace with the residents. No one else minds, and there's more than enough room.

Whoops! Almost got me with that one. Excuse me for this rushed meeting. As soon as I get under the fridge…! Ah, there. Now, to properly introduce myself.

Hi, I'm Gilbert. I, as you may have guessed, am a housefly. I've been living around a certain group of people for about nine months. Well, actually two groups of people, but I'll get back to that later.

What I know about my past is that when I was very small, a larva to be precise, I was caught in one of Verde's experiments. It was to change the DNA of a Musca domestica as he called it, so that they could live several hundred times the original lifespan. Which means that instead of living for 15 to 30 days, I get to stay around for a lot longer. Appearance-wise, I'm five millimeters long with blue eyes. Ladykiller, right?

Anyways, about my current living situation, I bounce back between the Vongola and the Varia. You know, the mafia groups. I tend to do this to avoid being noticed. I mean here the blonde one always wants to kill me, and back at the Vongola, the dynamite loving one wants to kill me. I know their names, but my memory tends to fail me at times. Short attention span and all.

Which brings me to the situation at hand. I live a pretty exciting life around these people, and well…I don't want to forget it. As much as they shout, argue, and fight, it gives a lot of definition to the life of a mutant housefly. So this morning, I came to a solution. I want to share these memories and not forget them. So, the best solution I found would be a diary.

A couple of my…roommates you could say have them; both here and in Japan. I came across a few problems. Like, I don't know how to write nor can I, and the vlogging life is impossible without a camera small enough to carry around with me. But no matter how weird and crazy it sounds, my only diary option is mental. Saying things aloud helps you remember and uh, yeah. I talk to myself.

And you **(A/N: the reader)**will play the part of my conscience.

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**Love it, hate it, appreciate it?**

**Let me know how you feel in the review section.**

**Ciao~!**


	2. Dinnertime!

'**Ello! HSB here again with the second installation of my first ever drabble series. Thank you Aines445 and HalcyonNight for your feedback. They were wonderful, splendorous, lovely, and awesome! So detailed~ Uh, I must be dreaming. Not to forget about Snowyh2o who had the brilliant request, which will be coming ;). So glad that y'all are taking a likin' to the fic. I can only hope that this chapter will make you smile just as much, if not more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KHR, but I'll fight tooth and nail for my 'OC'. Capisce?**

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**Dinner**

So the first aspect of my life to show you will be dinnertime. It is my favorite part of the day, after all. Everyone is gathered together, all prepared to spend some quality time with their family in the dining room that is just so cozy and homely.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the food. I am unashamed to say that I eat. A lot.

The process is a bit disturbing, but you're my conscience, you deserve to know. Ah, I love this already. I get to share even my oddest quirks with someone! I'm currently making my way to the dining room and it smells like pork cannelloni. You see, most flies eat liquids through the little straw on our faces, but I'm unique and enjoy eating solid food. Like a gentleman. Back to the process, I select my choice of food and drag it to my seat. There, I vomit a few digestive juices onto it, wait for it to soften, and bon appetit! Delicious.

Enough of that, I'm nearly late! I have to hurry or else I'll miss the best part.

_**O**_

My seat is found on the chandelier. There I can watch everyone without being tormented by the creepy guy with the knives. Yes, I recall his name now. Belphegor. Eh, the way it rolls off my tongue gives me the shivers. Creepy name for a creepy person… but then again who am I to judge.

SLAM!

Ack! Balance. Balance. Balance. Oh wait, I can fly. Hehehe, whoops.

Well, Xanxus is here. He's the boss of the Varia, and _really _cranky. Then in comes Levi. Um, he's…dedicated to his boss, to put it lightly. Hmm, I don't remember the next one's name. But…he's really fun!

"Vooiiiii! Where's the food."

And loud.

Ooh, another favorite is Fran. He comes in next. I love how he acts so calm and nonchalant, unlike his companion who's – AHH!

"Voi! Stop throwing knives at the chandelier, brat! You're gonna kill us all."

"Ushishi~, the prince saw a nuisance."

"No, you _thought_ you saw something, sempai. That's the difference between our sanity and your complete lack of it."

"Shut up, frog."

S-s-s-sorry. It's j-just t-that h-h-he's c-c-completely insane. I mean yeesh! How can you have a personal vendetta against a fly? There are a million others who look just like me (stereotyping on my part) but he doesn't give them the time of day. Only me. Not that I don't mind the attention.

Hm, that seems to be all of them, except for Mammon, but he got here before I did. I'd tell you how I figured out his gender, but that's a whole other story.

Okay, now that I've introduced my roomies. It's time to check on the food. I always do this so I can enter with Lussuria – oh I forgot to introduce you to him! He's in the kitchen preparing dinner.

_Squeeze._ Whew, I need to lay off the gelato. I'm getting too big to fit through the door cracks.

Now that's talent. I, for the life of me, can't understand how he manages to carry all of those platters into the dining room in one trip. I can't even carry two pieces of bread at once, and I have six legs! Though, I'm sure opposable thumbs contribute somewhere in that. Thumbs are cool. I wish I had thumbs. All I have are stumps, but I guess stumps are cool, too. Squalo has one. Ooh, I remembered his name!

Nyah! Lussuria is leaving without me! I do not need to squeeze through another door crack. Or miss dinner for that matter.

_**O **_

So here we are. A big happy family. Busted belts reflecting dopey smiles stuck on our faces. Half-hearted jokes flying about every now and then. The air is simply thick with contentment. Just the way it should be. Now would be about the time that we drag our heavy tummies to bed, but…

"Dessert~!"

…it seems we're not yet finished.

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**Did you like it? It was almost too long! Haha, I had so much fun, too. Getting into character and all…my pants are on backwards.**

**Well, let me know what you thought and if you have any questions or requests?**

**Ciao~!**


	3. Sour Sweets

'**Ello! So about the wait…hehehe…BLAME IT ON SCHOOL. Also, let me get straight to the point here, if I ever said that there was a method to this madness let it be untrue because…I have no clue where this came from. Oh! And how ya likin' the name change, eh?**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own KHR, and from now on the first disclaimer will be basis for the entire fic. (I'm lazy…)**

**Muchacho!**

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**Sour Sweets**

Let it be said, that candy is a necessity around the Varia.

Sour candy in particular is a favorite. Personally, I would rather not indulge but it is rather fun to watch. From a safe distance of course.

I went out with Luss today and he happened to pick up a pack of Warheads. Big mistake. Funny. But a big mistake.

You know why? Belphegor (the evil one if you're wondering) _loves _them. So when we came in the door, he bomb-rushed us! It was quite terrifying because I just so happened to be hitching a ride in the bag it was carried in. But don't worry, I'm fine. These wings and supersonic reflexes aren't for nothin'!

I think that's a double negative, but it's cool because we're buddies. We can be illiterate with each other!

But back to the creep. It's like he has this built-in sensor that makes it so he can smell candy from a mile away. Then he pounces on whatever unfortunate soul who happens to be in the general vicinity. Who is this unfortunate soul 90% of the time? Me.

But I don't mind. 'Cause the show is aaaaall worth it.

Take now as an example, he's already ripping into the first package and stuffing his face. Now is also the time that I start moving far, far away. I don't want to be in the line of fire when he starts lashing out. 'Cause you know what else? He didn't read the label. Hehehe, he probably thinks it chocolate that he's stuffing down his throat. That is until…

"Mmm, -gag- "

"Bel honey, is something wrong~?"

"-gag- you dare poison the -gag-"

Some might say I'm cruel for finding happiness in seeing a man attempt to give himself the Heimlech, and I would too, but you don't know the things he's done to me!

Fly traps.

Insect bombs.

Fly swatters.

Hoses.

Bow and arrows.

Footballs.

Tiaras.

I've survived it all.

Knives.

I still have a scar from that one.

So yes, I believe that I deserve to see Belphegor choke on a couple sour candies. C'mon, don't we all have our vices?

Aah, sour, sour revenge. It never tasted so sweet.

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**Don't be surprised! You all knew Gilbert had at least **_**one**_** guilty pleasure. But this of course is one of many! Muahahaha! Jk, he's still a little angel. I just happened to be eating sour candies while writing this.**

**Oh, and guys! You don't have to do long detailed reviews. Forgive me for my carelessness. I love them all the same! **

**Ciao~!**


	4. Box Weapons

**For those of you who have read Xanxus' file on SushiBomb's **_**Classified Information**_**, you're gonna love this one.**

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**Box Weapons**

Did I ever tell you about the time Xanxus nearly snapped Fran's neck?

Well, let me tell you. It was about five years after the Ring Battles when the Varia got the most amazing pet they could ask for, Box Weapons…

The atmosphere that day was tense; but for once it wasn't due to thinly veiled hatred, it was excitement! The box weapons had come in a little over an hour ago in a plain cardboard box. The only reason we knew it was special was because of the whopping green 'V' on the package.

As you can probably guess, the green 'V' stood for Verde. Arcobaleno, yay-hi, traitor, unhealthy interest in mutant flies, you remember him, right? Anyways, he eventually finished his box weapon project and we were the first ones to try it out.

I mean, could you ask for better testers.

Oh! By the way, we had Fran for a while now. Illusionist, yay-hi, pineapple sempai, unhealthy interest in Bel's tiara, you get the picture. EEY! He was so cute, I could just squeeze his little cheeky-weekys – um, excuse me. Hehe, back to the story…

Everyone picked their respective boxes out of the box. I really want to say that they were all awesome and opened them lickety split, but no. It took them four hours to figure it out.

Me, being the Varia's personal consultant, tried to show them about half an hour into the search. But no one listens to the fly! I flew back and forth from their rings to the hole in the boxes 6,042 times _exactly_.

Huh, maybe I should be an athlete. Like Usain Bolt or Micheal Phelps. Oh, I heard that a couple scientists where thinking about hosting an insect Olympics. Something about 'pesticide experimentation'? I don't know, I'm not good with big words, but I wanna do it!

Four hours later, Levi opened his first. Now, I'm not a fan of Levi-a-than per say. I'm not interested in the clingy types, you know what I mean fellas? But I have to say the moment that huge sting ray popped out of his box, he was my hero.

Seriously, I love the Varia, but if I had to go through four more hours of _that_, I was leaving them for Tsuna.

Next, predictably, Bel opened his (I blame it on creepy mind powers)…

"Ushishi~ the prince opened his first. Look and learn, peasants!"

"Actually I opened mine first Bo-"

"Show me how to do that, brat!"

Then Squalo…

"Tch, typical."

I have hunch that he wasn't too surprised that his was a shark.

After him came Lussuria…

"Ooh~, what do you think guys?" *vogues with peacock*

"Why am I not surprised."

Fran…

"Aw, how cruel, now I have to see your ugly face on missions too, sempai."

"Feel blessed, frog."

Xanxus wanted to make an impression so he stood on the table until everyone else went…

"Heh, like a boss."

Once we were all aquainted with the new members of our family, the best part began. The name game.

Levi named his stingray, Ray. Not very creative, but I'm not judging.

Luss named the glowing little peacock, Pooch.

Bel, named his Mink. Now, I don't know how he did it, but in the three minutes that _thing_ was in our home, Belphegor somehow taught it to attack me on sight. The matching hairstyles should have warned me, too bad I didn't see it coming until I turned around to meet its bared teeth. Eh, I need to put the mink on the list of weapons he has used against me…

Squalo named his Alo. It took me a while, but I eventually noticed that 'Alo' is just the last three letters of 'Squalo'. Very sneaky…

Fran named his box weapon, Useful Bel. I attest to that!

Here comes the funny/dangerous part. The fungerous part!

Xanxus named his box weapon, Bester. Nothing weird about that, Xanxus is an arrogant guy, so his box weapon is automatically set as 'the best'. It was all good and dandy until Fran offhandedly commented…

"You know, Bester kind of sounds like bastard."

Silence.

The bruises from Xanxus' headlock took two months to heal. But I'm afraid the mental scars never will.

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**Ahaha! I just had to add in that last sentence. By the way, I have no freakin' clue what Lussuria, Levi, and Fran named their box weapons. So I hope you appreciated my improv. **


	5. Species Interaction

**I don't know about all y'all other authors, but **_**my **_**reviewers are awesome!**

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**Species Interaction**

"Hi there!"

Zzzzzz

"Oh, don't be shy. Look I'll start. My name is Gilbert."

Zzzzzz

"And yours?"

Zzzzzz

"Okaaay."

Zzzzzz

"So whatcha doin' in the Varia kitchens?"

Zzzzzz

"Are you lost?"

Zzzzz

"W-Why are you lookin' at me like that?"

Zzzzzz

"Wh- hey, hey, -hey! That is _not _ok!"

Zzzzz

"You just can't go around touching people with your – wait, where are you going?"

Zzz…

"Where's my apology!?"

…

"Tch, no need to act like a peasant…"

*le gasp*

"What did I just _say_!?"


End file.
